Directing and writing credits:
"That'll Do, Pig" is directed by Jamie Babbit and written by Sheila R. Lawrence. Babbit has had a long, successful career in film and TV. You probably know her from "But I'm a Cheerleader" or episodes of "Girls" "Brooklyn Nine-Nine," and "Silicon Valley." She has directed four previous "Gilmore Girls" episodes:
"The Road Trip to Harvard" - Lorelai and Rory act like LaDawn's B&B is much tackier than the Independence Inn when really, they're totally on par.
"Dead Uncles and Vegetables" - Rory and Lorelai think their old-timey diner talk is adorable when really, it's insufferable.
"Lorelai's Graduation Day" - Lorelai graduates from community college and actually has a nice moment with her parents. Rory skips said graduation to hang in fake NYC with Jess.
"Take the Deviled Eggs..." - Lorelai flips out at Sherry's baby shower and Jess's car gets the deviled egg treatment.
Lawrence has worked closely with the Palladinos for a long time and has written three previous "GG" episodes:
Presenting Lorelai Gilmore - Rory comes out at a debutante ball, Richard and Emily fight, and Lorelai realizes that Chris has a girlfriend.
There's the Rub - Emily and Lorelai steal bathrobes, Jess and Paris prove they would make an adorable couple, and Dean throws a temper tantrum.
Let the Games Begin - Jess almost lights a cigarette near a gas pump and Rory doesn't even try to stop him because she's in loooooove.
Most batshit crazy outfit:
The ugly runs deep in this episode. Lorelai's winter wardrobe is straight-up offensive and makes it blatantly obvious that this show was filmed in California. Check out this "cold winter morning" look:
If it's cold enough for gloves and a hat, you probably should not have a thin fleece jacket zipped down to your tits. And why are there so many different, clashing colors? Pick a color scheme and stick with it, goddamit. Buy neutral accessories so they go with everything and don't leave you looking like someone who is either a) colorblind or b) has completely given up on their appearance.
Also, someone really needs to teach this bitch how to wear a scarf because her half-assed attempts prove she's never experienced an East Coast winter in her life:
At least the first one is sort of stylish; the second is just depressing.
Most irritating Rory or Lorelai moment:
Rory is the sole annoying one this time. She thinks Clara is cute, which is completely baffling. Clara makes Francie look chill and normal instead of like a complete psychopath.
I feel likewise "wtf" about Rory's dumb idea that she can forge a friendship with Dean so soon after their break-up with zero consequences. At the end of the episode, she tells Lorelai, "Jess knows I’m friends with Dean, Dean knows I’m dating Jess, and they both seem fine with it." Lorelai then chortles, like, "Okay, dumbass" and for once, I am in complete agreement with her approach to parenting.
Number of times Rory or Lorelai treat their bff like shit:
Sookie pulls out all the stops for Gran's dinner at the Independence Inn:
"Twelve courses, each paired with a specific wine, and for dessert, individual chocolate amaretto mousse cakes in the shape of a G."
And she doesn't stop there! She even prints individual menus for everyone and sticks to Gran's insanely regimented dining schedule. To Lorelai's credit, she does express gratitude, but I can't think of a single instance when she exerts this much effort for Sookie.
Best literary or pop culture references:
I love that Gran rented her house to Korn. She says,
"They were fine tenants. Took wonderful care of the place. They planted some lovely tulips in the front yard."
You know what, Gran? I believe it.
Stars Hollow weirdness:
The winter carnival sounds awful and I'm not sure why anyone who isn't a child would attend. From what I can tell, the main attractions are booths that serve junk food and a psychic who tells everyone they're going to be rich and famous. Eh, on second thought, I would probably go. I guess there's not much else happening in SH.
Oh, and Kirk is now a waiter at Westin's. He wears an apron adorned with tiny pink teacups and desperately wants to show off all the pie and ice cream flavors that he was forced to memorize.
Sharpest insult or one-liner:
I will never tire of listening to Paris mock dumb people. When Madeline and Louise question her decision to cancel the supplementary student council meeting, this is what she tells them:
"Fine, if you guys wanna sit around for an hour after school swapping makeover horror stories, then count me in. Hey, did I ever tell you about the time I plucked outside of my designated brow line? Man, was my face red."
And of course, they think she's being serious.
(In their defense, I have also done this and it is bad.)
Books mentioned/books Rory is reading:
Rory tells Francie that she's read Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" and is prepared to be a complete pain in the ass if the situation warrants it. No other books are seen/mentioned, which is a real shame. Where are Jess's signature back pocket books?
Best song of the episode:
Fillmore Blues by Chuck Berry is the only song not played by the Stars Hollow High marching band, so it wins by default.
Thoughts:
After a few solid episodes where shit actually happens and the storyline moves forward a bit, the "GG" writers pull back significantly and give us two episodes in a row of absolute filler.
The scene opens on Rory, Lane, and Lorelai who are walking across town in their ugliest winter apparel. Lane is ecstatic because Lorelai has agreed to allow her band to practice in the Gilmore garage. Rory is pissed because Lorelai is a selfish cunt and used all the hot water that morning, rendering her daughter's shower freezing. After more "blah, blah, who cares" discussion, the trio head in to Luke's and the opening credits role.
At Chilton, Paris reveals that she's still harboring residual anger toward her mother for not allowing her to get a Hanukkah bush as a child. This is the best thing Paris says in regards to her trip to Jamie's house for Christmas:
"And then his grandfather and I wound up in a theological discussion. Jesus – Messiah or nice Jewish kid with a hammer? It got pretty heated."
I would love to hear a Paris monologue about the futility of religion, similar to her rant on capitalism in Season 6. (Marxist Paris is the best Paris.)
At the Inn, Lorelai and Michel quibble over some stupid bullshit involving a group of Hungarian guests. It's boring and I refuse to discuss it. Emily calls to announce that Richard's 60th birthday party is scheduled for Wednesday and that Lorelai is expected to bring him a gift. Richard is a wealthy, old white man with very particular taste ... does he really need gifts? Eh, whatever. More fodder for this nothingburger of a plot, I guess.
Later at the Gilmore residence, Lorelai has a spider freakout and lucks out when Dean unexpectedly shows up at the door. He's there to return some of Rory's things and by sheer happenstance, carry Lorelai's spider outside and chortle at her "Annie Hall" reference (the sexual chemistry between these two - jfc). Rory walks into the room and doesn't initially realize Dean is there. It's kind of awkward, but typical.
I can't deny it ... they're cute.
The next day at the diner, Lorelai shows Rory a bunch of present options for Richard's birthday and wow, are they terrible. Does she ever actually pay attention to Richard when he talks? I don't think so, because the first two items she shows Rory are a bathroom scale and a mechanical coin sorter. Why is she so awful at buying gifts? Could it maybe be because she's an unabashed narcissist with zero consideration for anyone but herself? 🤔
After the gals leave the diner, Rory runs into Dean on the street. She's all, "Wow, what a coinkydink" and then the two engage in strained small talk. He asks if she wants to get a cup of coffee and she reluctantly accepts. After suffering through Kirk's pie recitation and some college application talk, Dean asks if she wants to be friends and Rory happily agrees. Youths! They truly know nothing.
Dean is such a dumbass simpleton. Rory treated him like shit for the entirety of their relationship and started dating another dude immediately after they ended things. And yet ... Dean still wants to be friends? Why is this dude's self-esteem so low? He's 6'4" and gorgeous. If he stopped wearing stupid shit like puka shell necklaces and carpenter jeans, he'd be a total babe. This dude could fuck, but he doesn't fuck because he's too busy crying about Rory and spending time with his weird little sister.
At Richard's birthday party, everyone is in surprisingly good spirits. He loves his gifts - a cigar humidor from Emily, Chuck Berry Live at the Fillmore from Rory, and "The History of the Peloponnesian War," wrapped in a bow tie, from Lorelai. As soon as an unexpected doorbell ring interrupts the revelry, everything goes to shit. Richard's mom, Trix, aka Gran, is at the door. No one knew she was coming and while Richard is delighted to see her, Emily is less than thrilled.
Gran announces that she'll be in town for a few days and that while she's there, she'd like to see where Lorelai works. They plan to have dinner at the Independence Inn the following evening (sans Rory, who is excused because of the winter carnival).
While Sookie prepares for an epic feast at a moment's notice, Lorelai tries to convince Emily that her house is clean enough for a Gran visit. She fails, and Emily speeds over with some flowers, prepared to search for Lorelai's spare key "in the turtle or some ridiculous thing like that."
Get fucked, Francie. Your storyline is boring as shit.
Back at Chilton, we're forced to suffer through more nonsense with Francie. Paris cancelled the supplementary student council meeting but Francie went behind her back and rescheduled it. She holds a vote for something dumb ... I want to say it's for the location of the prom. Paris has apparently already vetoed Francie's desired location because it's too expensive, but the vote passes in her absence.
Later, Rory pulls her into the girls' bathroom and threatens her to back off in a kind of old-timey "now see here" kind of way. There's talk of the perfect liquid line and a bunch of references that only flamboyantly gay boys who watch a lot of Nick at Nite would understand.
Back at Lorelai's house, Emily's Gran anxiety is at an all-time high. Lorelai tells her she needs to chill and that instead of getting so worked up, she should start taking pleasure in Gran's disapproval. Later, at the Independence Inn dinner, Emily is relatively chill until Gran reveals that she's moving back to Hartford due to her poor health. Instead of screaming, Emily decides to throw the entire meal out of whack by taking longer than Gran's requested 12 minutes per course. The titular line of the episode (from "Babe") is uttered by Lorelai as Emily cuts a single green bean into multiple sections.
While Lorelai suffers through dinner, Rory finds herself at the carnival with Jess, Dean, and Clara, Dean's bizarre little sister (more on her later). Jess wasn't going to come to the carnival, but as soon as he realized that Dean was there and planning to hang with Rory, he changed his mind. There's a bunch of territorial weirdness between Dean and Jess that makes me uncomfortable. They treat Rory like she's a prize to be won and all of their faux machismo is exhausting. They should just whip out their dicks and measure them; they need to settle the score for good and give it a rest.
Nice zip-up turtleneck, Dean.
I'm not sure how to even write about Clara without potentially offending someone. There is no excuse for a kid that old (the actress playing her was thirteen or fourteen) to act so young unless there's a major learning disability. Either the casting director wanted someone younger but could only find an older actor, or the actor was told to play a child with a learning disability. It's perplexing.
After both Gilmores return home from their separate outings, they catch each other up on the night's event. How is this an episode of television? Literally nothing of consequence happens in the 42-minute runtime 🤷🏻♀️.
Random observations:
- The Chilton cardigan is far superior to the Chilton blazer.
- And speaking of cardigans ... Emily's low ponytail and Burberry cardigan is such a chic look for an older woman of refined taste.
- I have a difficult time believing that Emily would kowtow to Gran. She's already married to Richard so why does she give a fuck about her approval?
- Watching the scene where Rory participates in the milk bottle toss is legitimately painful. She looks like a puppet who is being controlled by someone with a neurological disorder.
- I can't stress how many ugly outfits Lorelai wears in this episode. Along with all of the aforementioned, she also sports a grey turtleneck that looks itchy and clashes with her skin tone. At the Independence Inn dinner with Gran, she wears a pink, polyester faux wrap top with a belted midsection and a disgusting, gem necklace.
- Gran, on the other hand, is like Miss Havisham come to life. I don't understand any of her outfits or accessories, but they're eons better than Lorelai's.
- Dean wears carpenter jeans and a leather blazer with buttons. You already know how I feel about this, so I won't even comment.
- Louise thought the math teacher said "Add one and divide by the Jew power." I don't know what to make of this. Is Louise a secret stoner? Being high at school is the only explanation for this misunderstanding.