TV / Gilmore Girls

'Gilmore Girls' Season 5, Episode 3: Written in the Stars

. 8 min read . Written by Lindsay Pugh
'Gilmore Girls' Season 5, Episode 3: Written in the Stars

Directing and writing credits:
"Written in the Stars" is directed by Kenny Ortega, written by Amy Sherman-Palladino. Ortega is an old pro in the "GG" universe and has directed the following previous episodes:

"They Shoot Gilmores, Don't They?" - Without a doubt, this is the best fashion episode of the entire series.
"A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving" - Cat Kirk terrorizes human Kirk; Babette is heartsick over the entire affair.
"Face-Off" - Zack and Brian argue over whether it's chill to call a hymn "gay."
"A Family Matter" - Jess returns to Stars Hollow and annoyingly, I must admit that I would be very into watching a spin-off show about his budding relationship with Luke.

It makes sense for ASP to write the episode where Luke and Lorelai finally bone. I wouldn't entrust that one to anyone else, either.

Most batshit crazy outfit:
Nothing is as disgusting as I want it to be. Rory wears a stupid fake pearl-adorned boat neck top to Asher Fleming's wake. I don't understand why anyone younger than 60 years old would gravitate toward this boring ass article of clothing. It reminds me of something that Bunny MacDougal would wear.

"Don't you hustle me. This is Chanel."

Most irritating Rory or Lorelai moment:
As two men move Rory's heavy couch into her dorm room, she stops to chat with Marty and completely forgets that she offered to open the door for them mere second ago. The Gilmores are so fucking entitled. Like, "Oh, sorry men who are doing manual labor for me. I could make your life a little easier if I was a good person, but instead I'll just be an asshole. Isn't it cute that I forgot to open the door for you while you're holding a 200-pound couch? Also, please don't stain it or my (entitled/oblivious) grandmother will hunt you down and kill you."

Number of times Rory or Lorelai treat their bff like shit:
Sookie and Lane aren't in this episode. Rory does agree to help Paris organize a wake for Asher Fleming, which is nice.

Best literary or pop culture references:
Lorelai has mentioned Mariah Carey enough times that I think she's a true fan. It's always in a joking context, but she knows too much for me to take her insults seriously.

Rory: This is crazy.
Lorelai: Well, it depends on your definition of "crazy." I, for one, found the Mariah Carey phone messages to her fans just refreshingly imaginative.

Lorelai probably knows this dog's name without Googling.

Stars Hollow weirdness:
Babette, Miss Patty, and Mrs. Casini apparently love to gossip outside of Bootsy's magazine stand. They cover hard-hitting topics like women who are actually men (cringe) and the drugstore parking limitations. Aren't small towns charming?

After Lorelai accidentally reveals that she's sleeping with Luke by walking into the diner pantless, the town holds a meeting to vote on whether their relationship should be allowed. I don't understand how they haven't stoned Taylor to death yet.

Sharpest insult or one-liner:
I don't understand why people dislike Paris. Yes, she's obnoxious, but she's also hilarious and can serve up a sick burn like no one else.

Paris: Asher's dead.
Rory: What?
Paris: He died two weeks ago in Oxford.
Rory: Oh. Paris, I'm sorry. How?
Paris: Heart attack. It was quick.
Rory: Heart attack?
Paris: Yes.
Rory: Um ... it wasn't during, um ... was it?
Paris: No, Rory. This great man was not brought down by my vagina, okay?

Into the world via vagina, out of the world via vagina ... I know Paris isn't a fan, but there's something poetic about it.

Books mentioned/books Rory is reading:
Emily reads Nancy Mitford's "The Pursuit of Love & Love in a Cold Climate" for approximately 2 seconds before she decides that she's "not gonna be the one that sits at home alone in the dark like an Italian widow."

Paris mentions William Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream," which Asher was teaching to a class before his heart attack.

Peter Høeg's "Borderliners" is seen on Rory's bookshelf at Yale.

This is undoubtedly for her book club.

Best song of the episode:
Emily's music game has gotten livelier now that Richard is out of the main house. While eating her omelet (made by Madonna Louise, the maid du jour), she enjoys Tony Bennett's "The Best Is Yet to Come."

Thoughts:
Emily and Richard are officially separated, which means that Lorelai and Rory have a new Friday night ritual: drinks in the pool house, dinner in the main house. While decent in theory, this arrangement is swirling with too much passive-aggression to work in anyone's favor. The writers should have given Emily a hot young beefcake to shack up with during Richard's extended misogynistic hissy fit. I can't remember why I ever liked Richard because he clearly sucks.

Unfortunately, Rory takes after him completely. Now in her sophomore year at Yale, gf has gained the delusional confidence of someone who is having sex for the first time on the regular.  She waltzes around campus, treating workers like shit and chastising Logan for forgetting her name after a brief meeting at the coffee cart. Any behavior that makes me empathize with Logan is obviously problematic, especially after he explains that he would like to be referred to as "master and commander" going forward. Those 2 douches deserve each other.

"What did I say that was so bad? I said hello and I think I said he made a kick-ass margarita."

Although Rory's behavior is as gross and entitled as Logan's, Marty is still romantically interested. At Asher's wake, he fishes around for definitive information on her relationship status, sending her into a spiral that lands her on Dean's parents' doorstep at the end of the episode. I wonder if she realizes how stunted this behavior is or prefers to avoid introspective reflection. I'm guessing the latter is true.

While Rory flails around, trying to put labels on her weird relationship, Lorelai leans the fuck in and opens herself up to Luke. After some mild flirting at the diner, a first date is finally planned. Things start out a little awkward since Lorelai somehow doesn't realize that Luke is picking her up at home instead of meeting her at the restaurant. Luke is a staunchly heteronormative dude who is clearly following all of the first date tips that I'm sure were present in his self-help book.

Unbeknownst to us, Luke has a secret place (Sniffy's Tavern) where he likes to go for meals when he finds time to slip away from the diner. Buddy (Terrence Beasor) and Maisy (Kathryn Joosten) own the joint and act as Luke's surrogate parents. It's cute how excited they are to meet Lorelai and how weirdly insistent they are that beer isn't appropriate for a first date – just as annoying as real parents!

It becomes very clear that Luke and Lorelai are going to bone after she asks if he remembers the first time they met. Luke reveals that not only does he remember all of the details, he's held onto the horoscope that Lorelai gave him during that first encounter. HE PULLS IT OUT OF HIS WALLET AS PROOF. Luke has loved Lorelai's batshit crazy, obnoxious shenanigans since day fucking 1, friends. These two are a real love match and I am here for it. Boner horoscopes FTW!

Post-dinner activity includes sex on Luke's flannel sheets and an overview of all the music he must now learn to enjoy. He's cool with everything but "pirates," which honestly surprises me. Men in drag? Fine. Spacemen? Fine. Pirates? Get them the fuck away from me. Luke's tastes are varied and mysterious.

The next morning, the alarm sounds and Lorelai immediately asks about coffee. Luke tells her that it's in the diner, so she heads downstairs wearing one of his flannel button-downs in a caffeine deficient haze. She quickly realizes that despite Luke's absence, the diner is full of people eating breakfast. She and Luke had previously decided that they wouldn't tell the town they were dating and that "People will know when they know." A pantless sashay through the diner is a surefire way to accelerate that process.

Initially, Luke and Lorelai believe that no one knows/cares about their relationship. Lorelai swings by the newsstand to suss out the hot goss, which is all about Rosella's butt implants. I guess even Stars Hollow has fallen prey to the Kardashian/Jenner influence.

I mean .... come ON!

They later find out how wrong they were. At the town meeting, Taylor holds a vote on whether or not they should be "allowed" to continue seeing each other. The entire thing is incredibly fucked up and once again, I just don't understand Taylor as a character on this show. I fully believe that someone would have at least tried to poison him by now. To get everyone out of his business, Luke declares that he'll leave SH if he and Lorelai ever part ways. Prepare yourself for a horribly contrived storyline built out of this comment later this season.

Random observations:

  • Richard's valet is named Robert, but I think he looks more like a Jodhpurs. He had retired long ago but had to get back in the butlering game after blowing his life savings on cocaine.
  • Lorelai's comment about Heather's 2 mommies is a nice reminder that this show is old as fuck and has never been even remotely progressive.
  • If Emily has never truly been skinny dipping, how do the writers explain her comment in S2E16? She tells Lorelai, "One summer when we were first married, your father and I stayed at this little village in Thailand where we spent two weeks eating viciously hot chilies and skinny-dipping."
  • My favorite shot of the episode is of Paris solemnly smoking a pipe and telling Rory, "I just wanted to smell like him again."
  • The elder Gilmores have a friend named Jancy (because of course).
  • Are you surprised that Luke is a Scorpio? He seems like a Taurus to me.
  • The black Solo cups at Asher's wake are a nice touch.