Directing and writing credits:
Written by Joan Binder Weiss, directed by Alan Myerson. Binder Weiss worked on Gilmore Girls from Season 1-3 and has 5 writing credits and 42 story editor credits. She also wrote 1 episode of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch and Summerland, two of my guilty pleasure shows as a youth. Fun fact: Summerland is actually mentioned in Season 5, Episode 18, "To Live and Let Diorama." Old Man Twickum was apparently very into the show (and Lori Loughlin) before he croaked.
Alan Myerson you probably remember from "The Deer Hunters."
Most batshit crazy outfit:
Shockingly, there were no horribly offensive outfits this episode. There were a lot of combos I didn't love, like Lane's too-small fair isle sweater with purple undershirt, but none that made my eyes bleed.
I'm giving Lane a pass on her band uniform because I feel her pain. I played the quads in high school marching band and threw up in my mouth a little bit every time I had to put on that hideous feather hat. Weirdly enough, the pants with suspenders were oddly flattering. I wish I had stolen a pair of those because I would totally wear them with a ripped white t-shirt and cropped leather jacket now.
I loved Emily's snow day outfit, though. Gf was channeling Katherine Hepburn hard with her tailored, high-waisted trousers, long cardigan sweater, button-down shirt, and thin, gold, double-chain necklace.
Most irritating Rory or Lorelai moment:
Rory's behavior with Dean at the bus stop. Rory, Lane doesn't give a damn if Dean likes Jane Austen. Act like a normal human being in a relationship and stop making your single best friend feel crappy because you can't stop openly gushing over your boyfriend. Cool your jets. Dean's hair looked so greasy in that scene, too. No, thanks.
Number of times Rory or Lorelai treat their bff like shit:
Rory definitely treats Lane like shit that entire Friday. She's gross and relationship-y in front of her, ignores her when she talks, and doesn't follow up with her later to ask if everything is going okay. A good friend remembers things that you've said and asks you about them later, especially if you've expressed nervousness/anxiety. Rory is not a good friend. She does apologize later, but she continues to do this type of thing to Lane throughout their friendship, so her apology clearly didnt' mean dick.
Best literary or pop culture references:
I'm upset that Emily allegedly had a thing for Errol Flynn. His pedo-stache is creepy and oh yeah, he liked to fuck teenagers, sometimes without their consent (he was accused of rape on two occasions). Richard is 10,000 times better, Emily. Count your lucky stars, girl.
I do need to give Lorelai credit for her Wonder Woman reference: "Well, uh, gee, Mom, I don't know, let me see. Black ice, treacherous roads. . . I guess I'll just put on my red, white, and blue leotard, grab my golden lasso and fly the invisible plane on over." ⚡️
Stars Hollow weirdness:
All of the shit with the revolutionary war reenactors. I typically hate them, but like how they were used in this episode. It bummed me out to watch Luke act like such a sweetheart, taking drink orders from everyone and in a good mood until he sees Lorelai making out with what's-his-face. Max Medina is just such a fucking nerd and has zero chill. Did you watch "Search Party?" He's like the older version of Dory's boyfriend, Drew. I would rather die alone than put up with his pedantry.
The town meeting opener was also fantastically weird. And for the record, I agree with Taylor: "There is no use for a lava lamp unless you're on drugs." I always thought it was weird that the Stars Hollow mayor from Season 1 disappeared and that we later find out Taylor is only the town selectman (in Season 4 when Jackson runs against him). So where did Mayor Porter go? Or was Taylor both the mayor and the town selectman? Someone in the writer's room fucked up again. They totally discounted weirdos like me who would watch this stupid shows years later and ponder about the plot inconsistencies.
Sharpest insult or one-liner:
Not an insult or a one-liner, but damn if Luke hasn't just perfectly summed up the backwards-thinking mentality Trump voters have fallen prey to: "Tradition is a trap, it allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn't have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It's a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then, too. It just sucked without indoor plumbing." Amen, Luke.
I also love when Michel referred to the weather as "cold and gray like a fat dead pigeon." I'm going to steal that one and reuse it for shock value.
Books mentioned/books Rory is reading:
No specific books were mentioned/read, but some literary figures were name dropped:
- Max Medina mentions Emily Dickinson on the answering machine message he leaves for Lorelai.
- We find out that Luke likes Jane Austen (I assume "Pride and Prejudice"), which basically makes Rory cum on the spot.
- He recommends she read Hunter S. Thompson, which like... okay, I don't think he's someone Dean would read. Dean would be more inclined to recommend "Where the Red Fern Grows" or some shit.
- Rory suggests he repay her for the cookies with Charlotte Brontë, but he opts for a kiss instead. As the kids of the early aughts used to say, "gag me."
Best song of the episode:
Lane plays "Pictures of You" by The Cure when she's sad because Rory has abandoned her and Lorelai is busy trying to fuck Max Medina. Lane truly does get screwed from the very beginning.
Ugh, the Max Medina episode. Knowing it's coming unfortunately doesn't make it more palatable. I feel bad for mentioning it so often, but goddammit... I hate Max Medina. Lorelai and Max actually make a good couple because they're both fucking insufferable, but I still can't ship it. Max is sickeningly pretentious and wants a pat on the head every time he makes a literary reference. You're an English teacher? We get it. No one past the age of 15 is impressed with you, especially considering you say shit like this on the regular: "Fate, poetry, love. . .they all go together, don't they?" Um...k.
Max also tells Lorelai, "Because as you know, you could get very carried away by your many attributes, suddenly find yourself thinking, my God, this woman is absolutely perfect." Max is the type of guy who is consistently shut down by women at the bar because he uses serial killer-esque pick-up lines that he thinks are sweet and can't figure out why no one is interested. No one is interested because you're weird and desperate, Max. Lucky for him, Lorelai is into this because she's lonely af and has spent the previous 16 years up Rory's asshole 24/7.
It was pretty satisfying when Lane accidentally cock blocked them and then Lorelai made Max sleep on the couch, sans sheets or the offer of a guest toothbrush. I don't know what's so great about Lorelai... this bitch is too lazy to even make marginal effort to be a halfway decent hostess.
Also, Lorelai, if you're so concerned about Rory's feelings and want to keep her out of your love life, maybe make sure that Max is gone before she gets home in the morning and is forced to deal with a supremely awkward situation. Lorelai's actions in this scene beautifully showcase her horrible parenting skills. She puts on a facade of consideration and wants everyone to believe her daughter always comes first, but she really only cares about herself and often views Rory as an after-thought.
And let's talk about Rory for a second. The way she acts in this episode is the reason why I hated everyone in high school and will probably be disappointed by most people my entire life. I understand you're young, horny, and shocked to have found someone who likes some of the same things as you, but damn... your whole world shouldn't revolve around that person. Lane has been there for her since the beginning and Rory can't listen to her problems for 30 seconds without mentioning Dean or appearing blatantly uninterested.
Sure, Lane is annoying and needs to shut up about Rich Bloomingfeld, but Rory should just listen to her for 5 minutes and then tell her she sounds like a crazy person. "Hey Lane, if you're this into Rich, why don't you go talk to him? Don't do something weird like, oh, I don't know... run your fingers through his hair without his consent." Boom! Problem solved.
When Rory isn't around, Lorelai tries to give Lane some advice about how to handle the Rich situation and unsurprisingly, she makes everything about herself:
Lane: What am I going to do? I mean, everyone at school's gonna be talking about me. I can't show my face.
Lorelai: Everybody does stupid things in high school, it's like a requirement.
Lane: Not like this.
Lorelai: No, some people get pregnant. Talk about something really juicy for the gossip mill.
Lane: I forgot about that.
Lorelai: Yeah. Everybody screws up, Lane. That's what happens. It's what you do with the screw-ups, it's how you handle the experience - that's what you should judge yourself by. I have a great life and an amazing kid. And I took a detour, I ended up some place good.
If I have to hear about Lorelai's triumph in the face of teenage pregnancy one more time, I'm going to scream. It's great that Lorelai was able to pull her life together and make a shitty situation work to her advantage, but I've never met an adult woman so obsessed with something that happened 16 years ago. And generally, teenagers (and most people) don't respond well to advice that is along the lines of, "I had it so much worse, so actually, you're lucky and need to get over it." Not helpful, as usual.
The only good part of this episode is Richard and Emily, delighting in the fine delicacy of grated parmesan cheese on frozen pizza. Even when they're assholes, I can't help but love those two.
- What's with the creepy clown pillow sitting in the background when Lorelai obsessively listens to Max Medina's answering machine message. I legitimately shivered when I spotted it.
- Lorelai's obsession with snow is something I can get down with. Snow is fucking magical! It makes me feel like anything is possible, that any day can go from gray and boring to an adventure. "You, me, donuts, coffee, standing out in a snowstorm." That's a good tradition to have and I woleheartedly support it.
- I heard somewhere (I think during one of the behind the scenes tours on the DVDs) that the "GG" living room couch was actually super uncomfortable, so now that's all I can think about when I see it.
- Lorelai birthed Rory during an early October Connecticut snowstorm? I'm calling bullshit on that one.
- Rory's robe is very "Little House on the Prairie." I try not to judge anyone on their house attire because mine is atrocious, but damn... unacceptable for anyone not living in the 19th century Midwest.
- To this day, Sookie's, "Cookies for the love and the Dean" song gets stuck in my head.
- It's weird to see Stars Hollow pre-Gypsy. Who the hell is this other amatuer mechanic?
- The guy in that picture strip is definitely not David Sutcliffe. It might actually be Lauren Graham, though.
- The Black-White-Read Bookstore is showing "The House on Haunted Hill." In my dreams, I own a place like this. I only show weird shit like "Inland Empire" and old Godard & Jodorowsky movies. Gummy bears are the only available candy and prosecco is on tap.
- Only a monster would put foie gras on pizza.
- In this episode, we see baby pictures of Lorelai, but she mentions having destroyed all baby pictures in a later episode.
- Emily has a sister named Hopie? We never hear about that bitch again.
- "It was the snow. You know how I get, it's like catnip." I'm going to use this dumbass excuse next time I want to do some ridiculous shit when it's snowing.