Directing and writing credits:
Directed by Gail Mancuso, written by Daniel Palladino. This is Gail Mancusco's first episode of "Gilmore Girls," but she'll be back to direct 4 others over the course of Seasons 2 and 3. If you're not already familiar with her, she is no joke. Girlfriend has two Emmys (both for episodes of "Modern Family") and has been working as a primary director since 1991. I'm not positive about this, but I bet she and Amy Sherman-Palladino know each other from their time on "Roseanne."

I also must note that Mancuso is currently working on her first feature film, a road trip comedy called "Besties." The spec, written by Cassie Daniels and Mark Bartosic, was purchased by DreamWorks for six-figures (dammmmn). I don't know anything about the writers, but Deadline has some details. Apparently, "Bartosic was a wide receiver in the NFL with the Philadelphia Eagles and before that with the New England Patriots before moving to Los Angeles to pursue a career in screenwriting." How random/good on you, dude. Follow your dreams! Daniels is "currently the segment producer for Anna Farisโ€™ Unqualified podcast." I hope this movie is good because I could really go for a light, funny romcom right now. I haven't seen one of those since 2011.

In Palladino news, the full season of "The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel" is now available on Amazon Prime!

I've watched one episode so far and will try to post some thoughts on the series next week. We haven't seen Miss Celine yet, so most people reading this probably don't know about my deep love for Alex Borstein. Stay tuned.

Most batshit crazy outfit:
I'm not a fan of Lorelai's comic book shirt, red, studded wrist cuff, and pigtails with visible hair ties. Who's going to take her seriously in this outfit? I like fun clothes and will probably wear graphic tees until I die, but I don't pair them with butterfly hairclips and a slap bracelet. It's all about balance and taste, but Lorelai sadly has neither.

Red-Light-on-the-Wedding-Night-Lorelai-s-Comic-Book-Shirt

And Sookie... ugh, poor Sookie. Her outfits in this episode are a TRAVESTY.

Red-Light-on-the-Wedding-Night-Gilmore-Girls-The-Queen-Victoria

Why doesn't anyone understand how to dress her in a way that doesn't make her look shapeless? It's like they just throw a muumuu and a bandana on her and call it a day. The outfit pictured above is sadly one of the better ones from this episode. I demand fashion justice for Sookie.

Most irritating Rory or Lorelai moment:
There are many in this episode, but the most egregious one is probably when Lorelai wakes Rory up to tell her how weird it is to have Max in the house.

Lorelai: No, wake up, wake up. We've not properly talked about this.
Rory: About what?
Lorelai: About having Max in the house. About the effect on you. Don't cover up anything. Let's get it all out in the open.
Rory: I don't have anything to cover up. I like Max.
Lorelai: I know you do, and that's good. But you know, once we are married, nothing will ever be the same again.
Rory: I know.
Lorelai: It won't just be the 'me and you secret special clubhouse no boys allowed' thing anymore.
Rory: It will be different.
Lorelai: Not just different. Our lives as we know them will be over.
Rory: Mom, we're not dying.

This is the type of conversation you should probably have with your daughter before agreeing to marry someone.

Number of times Rory or Lorelai treat their bff like shit:
None. The Gilmores have been on a real streak lately.

Best literary or pop culture references:
Rory: And he's on board with the whole smallish wedding thing?
Lorelai: Oh yeah. We want fun, we want simple, we want fast. We've been completely in sync, without the slightly gay boy band affiliation.

By 'best,' I mean 'worst and most horribly dated/offensive.'

Stars Hollow weirdness:
SH gets its first traffic light and metered crosswalk. Luke is predictably pissed because it's installed right outside of his diner and he wasn't informed beforehand.

During his wedding photographer interview, Kirk shows Lorelai and Max nude pics of himself. He claims he was wearing flesh colored speedos, but Max swears he was "buck naked."

Sharpest insult or one-liner:
Max: We're coming out of the restaurant and we're heading toward our next stop when my brother decides to leap frog over a parking meter.
Lorelai: Why did he do that?
Max: Middle child.
Lorelai: Poor Jan.

Nothing makes me happier than a good "Brady Bunch" reference. In my search for a good "sure, Jan" gif, I found this:

Sure-Jan-Brady-Bunch

๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’• Marcia Brady, the OG Regina George ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

Books mentioned/books Rory is reading:
Lorelai says she's reading "That Colette biography," the one that Tristan snatched in "Love, Daisies, and Troubadours." Thus far in this rewatch, I'm unimpressed with Rory's alleged literary prowess.

Best song of the episode:
"True" by Spandau Ballet plays as Emily's story about marrying Richard makes everyone gloopy. I hate John Hughes, but this song always makes me think of "Sixteen Candles." It plays as Sam (Molly Ringwald) watches Jake (Michael Schoeffling) and Caroline (Haviland Morris) dance.

Thoughts:
In this episode, it becomes increasingly apparent that Lorelai does not want to and should under no circumstances marry Max. If you weren't convinced by their lack of sexual chemistry and her long contemplation of his proposal, this conversation makes Lorelai's disinterest crystal freakin' clear:

Max: I'm not joking here. We're getting married Lorelai.
Lorelai: I know.
Max: Well, that means we're taking two separate lives and melding them together. I mean, how do you think that's gonna work?
Lorelai: I don't know.
Max: Well, have you given it any thought at all?
Lorelai: Not really. No, I ... I mean, but I will! But I ... I'll start now.

Ouch. A healthy person wouldn't react to a comment like this with nonchalance, but Max does because he's desperate to make the relationship work.

Max: How would you feel if I told you I haven't thought about our future at all?
Lorelai: Terrible, I would feel terrible, I'm sorry. I mean it, I'm sorry. Please come here. Remember, it's all those little annoying quirks that make me the fascinating woman you fell in love with. Hmm?
Max: Really not fair.
Lorelai: I've got a lingerie drawer full of not fair, mister.
Max: Okay. I mean, we didn't need to get into this tonight. I definitely broke Dean's late night cranky rule.

Ugh, these two morons. Lorelai is a moron for taking forever to realize that marrying Max is a horrible idea; Max is a moron for ignoring all the blatant signs that Lorelai just isn't that into him. Max isn't even self-aware enough to realize how problematic it is that Rory's teenage boyfriend knows more about the Gilmore girls than he does. He's so ready to slip into fake dad mode ("It's past eleven, guys"), but he hasn't even stopped to consider what that role might actually look like.

After their respective bachelor and bachelorette parties, Max comes by the inn to grab a set of house keys from Lorelai. She was supposed to make him his own set, but never got around to it (surprise, surprise). For once, Max actually calls her on her bullshit:

Max: I'm trying really hard not to read too much into this.
Lorelai: Like what?
Max: Like you don't want me having keys or you don't want me coming in the house.
Lorelai: Max, that's crazy.
Max: Well, I need keys.
Lorelai: Well, I need an assistant.
Max: No, you need to think about someone other than yourself for a few minutes a day.
Lorelai: Ouch.
Max: That was too strong. Maybe I am a little hungover.
Lorelai: It's not a good day for keys or communication.

No, Max... that comment was not too strong; it was perfectly justified. Lorelai needs to be in a relationship with someone who is able to tell her when she's acting like a self-absorbed monster. Max consistently treats her personality flaws like adorable little quirks. He enables her bad behavior instead of helping her work toward becoming a better person. Lorelai and Max are a weird, incompatible couple and its a good thing the wedding didn't happen. If it had, I probably would have stopped watching this show.

I do love that Lorelai's conversation with Luke seems to be the catalyst for her decision to call off the wedding. After he brings her the sweetest present in the world (a chuppah he fucking made), they have a heart-to-heart about marriage. Luke tells her,

I guess if you can find that one person, you know, who's willing to put up with all your crap, and doesn't want to change you or dress you or, you know, make you eat French food, then marriage can be all right. But that's only if you find that person.

LUKE IS THAT PERSON, LORELAI. WAKE UP. But ... take your time, because I want to watch you struggle to figure this out for 60+ more episodes.

Random observations:

  • I wish I had one of Fran's treats right now. The frosting to cake ratio looks like perfection and "mocha crunch cream" sounds insane.
  • The Gilmore Girls have bizarrely uneven taste in movies, but I'm kind of okay with it. I don't know why anyone would voluntarily watch "Billy Jack," but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume it was subconsciously chosen to torture Max.
  • Max's three morning papers are The Hartford Courant, The New York Times, and The Wall Street Journal. Just when I thought I couldn't possibly hate him more, he pulls this pretentious shit...
  • A drag club seems like the perfect place to have a bachelorette party.
  • I like that Lorelai and Christopher judge people on their CD collections. It adds a bit of "we've known each other since high school" realness to the relationship. I disagree with them on Bono, Brian Ferry, and young Tom Waits's worthiness, though. I personally would go with young Leonard Cohen:

Leonard-Cohen

  • I hate Lorelai and Christopher as a couple (in Season 7), but always appreciated their chemistry and friendship. He was right to call Rory and express his concerns.
  • "I feel like crap on toast," is an expression I commonly use c/o Michel.
  • Lorelai is right about the evils of the Long Island Iced Tea. Last time I drank one, I peed in someone's front yard and vomited all over my carpet. Yay, college!
  • Lorelai's red "DANGER" tank top definitely takes me back to the early 2000s.
  • Rory is a kind, supportive daughter in this episode. She's clearly disappointed about Max, but wants her mom to be happy and doesn't press her too hard when she's clearly in a vulnerable state. She also agrees to wake up at 5AM the next morning for an impromptu road trip to nowhere in particular.
  • You know you're on your period when this shot makes you cry, despite Lorelai's hideously unflattering jeans and star hoodie:

Red-Light-on-the-Wedding-Night-Gilmore-Girls-Chuppah